


Modes of Transportation

by skydark



Series: Crack Theatre [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Crack Theatre, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-21
Updated: 2011-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-14 22:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skydark/pseuds/skydark





	Modes of Transportation

PG-13 for Doll Snogging.

 

  


 **Ed:** Here's my bike. Great isn't it? Well, hop on, we'll go out.

  


 **Roy:** What? Wait, you want me to get on this thing?

  
  
 **Roy:** I think I'm going to have to decline, Edward. For one thing, these things are notoriously unsafe, for the second thing I don't think I'll fit.  
 **Ed:** What are you talking about? It's perfectly safe. I'm a good driver. Don't be such an old man.  
 **Roy:** I'm not an old man, but I want to live to be an old man. Where is that nice car you have? The convertible, I'll let you take me out in that.  
 **Ed:** You know, for someone your age I thought you'd want to be cool.

  
 **Roy:**...  
 **Ed:**...

  
 **Roy:** There was a giant cat behind me, wasn't there?  
 **Ed:** Yes, and I'm so damn glad Al is still in the office on the shelf, both of him.

  
 **Ed:** Look, I'm sitting on it. It's stable, it's fine. Just hop on the back.  
 **Roy:** It's also not moving. Let's go in the car, it has a radio.  
 **Ed:** You never want to do anything I want to do.  
 **Roy:** That's not true, but look at the pratical side of this, Ed. I'm to tall for your bike.  
 **Ed:** Tallist.  
 **Roy:** Alright, don't start making up prejudice labels again.

  
 **Roy:** Ok, to please you I'm going to sit on the back and demonstrate that I'm to tall to ride this bike, ok?  
 **Ed:** You can just hold your feet up!  
 **Roy:** No...I can feel your ass right against my crotch, though.

  
 **Roy:** In fact, I could just reach around. like this...  
 **Ed:** This would be the reason we'd die in a motorcycle accident, this right here.  
 **Roy:** I think I might die happy if we were riding naked.

  
 **Roy:** Let's make a little pit stop.  
 **Ed:** We...we haven't gone anywhere.  
 **Roy:** Doesn't matter.

  


  
 **L:** Oh..oh hi guys

  
 **Roy:** I thought he belonged to someone else in this house.  
 **Ed:** Don't look at me, she had all her little brother's Star Wars toys in the last one, remember?

  
 **Ed:** Oh hi L, don't mind us, we're sucking face.  
 **L:** Don't let me disturb you, I can wait right here until you're done.

  
 **Roy:** Actually L is just the man to talk to. Statistically speaking, how safe is a motorcycle? Compared to a car; a nice covertible car.  
 **L:** That car is nice, I've been in it before. Back during the holidays, you weren't here yet.  
 **Roy:** I've seen the pictures.  
 **L:** There were 33.38 fatalities per each 100 million miles of travel on a motorcycle while there were only 1.28 fatalities per each 100 million miles of passenger car travel. That's...26 times more likely to die on a motorcycle than in a car.

  
 **Roy:** Now do you see? Those things are unsafe Edward.

  
 **L:** And they make your chances of being Kira really low.

  
 **Ed:** Later losers. I'm taking my 26 times chance of being cooler than either of you. No need for bastard Colonels and Code Monkey Wanna-bes.  
 **L:** Bye Ed. Have a good time risking your life.

  
 **L:** Byyyyeeeeeee  
 **Roy:** He won't get very far.  
 **L:** You think he's primed to be a statistic?  
 **Roy:** No, the motorcycle isn't self propelled and Sky isn't getting up to push it anymore.  
 **Ed:** Way to ruin my dramatic exit slack-more!  
 **Sky:** I'm tired of scooting around on my butt on this kitchen floor, deal.

~fini

  
Bonus pictures: Just because things.

  
 **L's Hammer Time** Pants courtesy of some naked Aladdin doll somewhere

 **Roy loves Ed, and vice versa**

  
  


 **Drawing table horror**

  
 **Ed:** AIIIEEEEAAAIIIEEEE!!! My hands! My feet! Both sets!  
 **Roy:** WHAT? WHAT? FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T GET UP! WHAT'S HAPPENING?  
 **Ed:** AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEE

  
 **Ed:** PSYCHE! Totally doesn't hurt. Dude, you have weird ass feet.  
 **Roy:** Shut up. I see the priviledged doll gets dressed first.

  
 **Roy:** You're right, this totally doesn't hurt.

The end. I need a nap.  



End file.
